How do I begin to explain? Back in the day I used to be naive, unmature and frankly, a little bit stupid. I spent 3 years in and out of the Davis County Jail earning myself the nickname Bizquick from making decisions I'm not so very proud of such as 2 DUIs and thinking that if I ignored a ticket, it would somehow magically disappear like bills from the hospital. They don't, by the way, disappear. In that time frame I was also in a very abusive relationship both physically and mentally and one night when I went to jail DCFS stepped in and took my children since no one was available to pick them up.
In the midst of jail, fines and everything in between, my mother and I decided it would be best for me to sign over my rights to my 2 children. This would allow her and my stepfather to adopt my children and get DCFS out of the picture for good. I agreed. It was not an easy thing to do and to this day I still think about what if I had fought harder but deep down, I know what I did was right. They have everything they need and could ever want, and they have 2 parents that love them more than anything.
Move forward about 8-9 years later. I'm happily married now and currently my husband, and I have just obtained custody of his 2 children. I am now getting to experience motherhood in the sense that I never did before. My own kids were younger at the time I did sign over my rights. My son wasn't even in preschool yet. My daughter even younger. My stepchildren are older, ages 12 and 9 years old. I do love it but on the other hand it is hard too. I feel like I'm failing my own children especially since I see my husband's children more than I see my own and of course I spend more time and more money on my stepchildren. My stepdaughter is going into Junior High, so I had the pleasure and honor of back-to-school shopping. I've never experienced that. It's nice in its own way to be able to experience and get that second chance at motherhood that I never got to experience, on the other hand it almost feels like I'm cheating my own kids. Not to mention, I'm the stepmother and my stepchildren just want their father all the time, especially since I work full-time. I feel like an outsider sometimes. We did it by choice though. My husband does not have the best past like me and finding a job with a record isn't easy. We like the fact that he's home with the children to be able to spend time with them during the summer break and also to be able to take them to and from school when needed and take them to appointments. He's the stay-at-home dad while I work Monday-Friday 6-3 and sometimes on the weekends when over time is offered or I feel like taking a co-worker's shift. I am new to this mother thing though, but I do believe I am doing okay though. They tell me they love me so I must be doing something right. I do try to teach them as well right from wrong and respect and hopefully not be too spoiled. Like I tell them, I want to give them everything I never had. I don't think I ever went to any concerts with my parents. I've taken our daughter to 3 now, Dasha, Kesha and a Taylor Swift Experience. We've taken our son to Thriller. Even though I feel like an outsider at times, I am honored and proud to be their stepmother and love them just as much as their father. I love our little family of 4. Well, 6 if you include the 2 dogs and the 2 cats.
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